Ms. Nitty Gritty of The Nitty Gritty Tales of a Housewife first caught my attention not too long ago. I decided to visit her blog to find out what she was about. I really enjoyed reading her blog which as her title indicates is about being a housewife or Stay at home mom in Nigeria. Her posts her very candid and i read every single one of them. I also love that she's not an anonymous blogger. I'm partial to that, sorry :-D So guys, i got her to talk to me a little bit. Hope you enjoy her interview as much as i did.
Ms.Nitty Gritty: I'm Mrs Ibhade Kareem, born January 2nd 1974 in Benin-city but grew up in lagos.
Sting: What made you start blogging and how do you like being a part of the Nigerian community of bloggers?
Ms. NG: I started blogging to make money when i read about it in the papers. Alas! I forgot about it when i found out it was so much fun just to make friends than money! As i write, I HAVE NOT MADE A DIME! Hehehehe. I DON'T CARE
Sting: How long have you been married? Was marriage what you expected it to be? What were your expectations and how did they turn out to be different?
Ms. NG: I have been married for a decade now. No! My expectations were so high! [This is the doing of reading too much mills and boon! lol] I wanted a TALL and GOOD-LOOKING man [since I'm a shorty: 5"4! Hehehe] to love me above everybody and meet all my NEEDS and WANTS! Alas! I got the tall and good-looking BUT NOT loving me above others and providing ALL my need and wants! Because I FORGOT he has extended family whom I foolishly overlooked in my daydreaming! Hmmm! Nevertheless, in all fairness to him, HE IS A GOOD PROVIDER and HE DOES NOT JOKE WITH HIS KIDS NEEDS and WANTS. That is men for you! Heheheheehe.
Sting: There's the Nigerian mentality that a woman is not complete if she is not married with children. Do you think that is valid? Why or why not?
Ms. NG:Yes! It is very valid! That is THE BITTER TRUTH! I don't really know why. AS YOU SAID, IT IS A MENTALITY WHICH WAS FORMED OVER THE YEARS. Maybe it is as nature and GOD has designed it to be. I got married at the age of 27 but my elder brother had a kid already and a man asked me when i would have mine during the naming ceremony. CAN YOU BEAT THAT! LOL
Sting: What would you say is the secret to a successful marriage?
Ms. NG: The secret of a successful marriage cannot be explained in WHITE and BLACK because it takes the people involved to make it work! What is good for COUPLE A, might not be ok with COUPLE B. Alas, saying it from my few years of experience; SEX!, NEATNESS! FOOD! RESPECT TO HIM and HIS FAMILY, COMPROMISING A LOT NOT BECAUSE ONE IS A FOOL OR MUGU, BUT FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE TO REIGN! LEARNING TO SAY SORRY WHEN YOU HURT HIM, LEARNING TO SAY THANK YOU FOR ANY LITTLE THING HE DOES FOR YOU EVEN WHEN HE GIVES YOU THE MONTHLY ALLOWANCE BECAUSE IT IS NOT A RIGHT BUT A PRIVILEGE![Surprised ehn? don't be! lol], STUDY HIS MOODS AND KNOW WHEN TO STRIKE HOT OR COLD WHEN YOU WANT TO DRIVE A POINT HOME! MEN HATE TO BE TALKED BACK TO DURING QUARRELS SO TRY TO AVOID IT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. ABOVE ALL, KEEP YOUR MATRIMONIAL BED HOT! *wink-wink*
Sting: The rate of divorce in Nigeria has been on the rise. What do you attribute to that?
Ms. NG: So i have noticed! and it is not good. WESTERN INFLUENCE is one of the problem. Many women are no longer PATIENT/TOLERANT like our forefathers.With the financial independence many women have, they can walk out of their marriage if there is a problem. EXTENDED FAMILY PALAVA is also a factor. There is a Yoruba proverb that says, IT IS BETTER TO HAVE A BAD WIFE/HUSBAND THAN BAD IN-LAWS!
Sting: What is your opinion about Nigerian men and cheating? Do you thinking cheating is enough reason to divorce your husband? What about the double standards?
Ms. NG: I thought you would NEVER ask! lol. ADULTERY, This is the TRUE SITUATION in marriages; SEE NOT, HEAR NOT AND SAY NOT! i.e PLAY THE BLIND, DEAF AND DUMB! Until you catch him RED-HANDED! [Through the little birds that would be twitting in your ears always! lol] Then you can let out THE RAGING DEMON IN YOU! When he begs and friends intervene, then lie low BUT NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN!
Nigerian men are polygamous in nature! The percentage that DON'T CHEAT is so small! It is like finding a needle in a haystack! The Nigerian wives had built SHOCK ABSORBER over the years! lol
To divorce because one's hubby cheats is NOT ADVISABLE, because one would be creating a SMOOTH WAY for the OTHER WOMAN to enter! DON'T MAKE IT EASY FOR HER! LAY A CLAIM TO YOUR HUSBAND! LET HER WORK HARD TO GET HIM!
Wives are now catching up fast with men in the game! Looking either way, it is not good but society is more favorable to men! If you want to divorce a man because of adultery, DON'T BE SURPRISED IF YOUR OWN PARENTS SEND YOU BACK!
Sting: There's the popular saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. From reading your blog, you seem to be of a different school of thought. What would you say is the way to a man's heart?
Ms. NG: HA! The way to my oga's heart is through SEX O! lol...Neatness is 2nd, Food, third! It varies in couples. JUST KNOW WHAT YOUR MAN LIKES!
Sting: There's a lot of talk about marriage being a 50:50 partnership. I personally like the idea of that. What do you think about that idea especially in Nigerian marriages?
Ms. NG: Marriage is NEVER 50:50! PLEASE WE WOMEN SHOULD STOP DECEIVING OURSELVES! It is more like 65:35! GOD made men the head of the family and not women and HE said we are the weaker vessel [I know we are strongly emotionally sha! hehee] If a man commits adultery, he would be slapped on the wrist, abi? BUT a woman should try it, she would be descended upon by ALL! Listen, TWO CAPTAINS CANNOT RUN A SHIP! There would be chaos which would lead the ship to hit the rocks!
Sting: Your blog is about being a stay at home mom or housewife. What are the challenges of being a SAHM? If given the opportunity would you go back to work?
Ms. NG: The challenges are all talked about in my blog; Truthfully speaking, I WOULD NOT LIKE TO GO BACK TO WORK BUT HAVE A BUSINESS TO BE OPERATING NOT FAR FROM HOME SO AS TO BE ABLE TO LOOK AFTER MY KIDS EFFICIENTLY AND TO CONTRIBUTE IN THE RUNNING OF THE HOME. My hubby is the first son.......So you can imagine the OBLIGATIONS he MUST fulfill.
Sting: What do you enjoy most about being a SAHM?
Ms. NG: HA! The time i have with my kids! NOBODY CAN TAKE CARE OF ONES KIDS LIKE THEIR MOTHERS AND EVERY MOTHER BELIEVES SO! lol. I bet many have heard about the problems associated with daycare centres and nannies hmm?
Sting:What would you say to a newlywed who is considering becoming a SAHM?
Ms. NG: Hmmm.....If one has a lucrative job, PLEASE don't resign EXCEPT one's hubby is FINANCIALLY STRONG! There are lot of sacrifices and insults SAHM faces. SAHM makes a lot of sacrifices regarding their comfort and lifestyle. I hardly attend social functions EXCEPT it is CRUCIAL! I don't buy clothes anyhow! I am very prudent in my spendings because if i misappropriate my monthly allowance, I HAVE TO SUGAR -TONGUE OGA BEFORE HE HELPS ME OUT AND IT IS NOT WITHOUT TONGUE-LASHING O!
Many people see housewives as gossips and lazy [i wrote about that in my blog] and not trendy which is not fair, BECAUSE they believe they have time on our hands to play while they are sweating it out to make money! What about society nko? NO MONEY, NO RESPECT!
Sting: Any advice for the single ladies out there?
Ms NG: Single ladies; PLEASE SHINE YOUR EYES WELL WELL! lol. Marriage is different from dating/courtship! Men DO change after they have put their SEAL on you! Please enjoy reading romance novels but don't apply it to real life! Above all, MARRY A FRIEND! SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK WITH! Love! love! is sweet, but can grow bitter if there is no room for it to grow!
Sting: Let's shift gears a little. Recently you were involved in the TTTEC assault incident. What exactly is your stance on rape?
Ms.NG: HMMM! Left to me, I would not answer this because as it is said, LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE! BUT For the respect i have for the interviewer, i would say this; First; I NEVER SAID RAPE WAS GOOD! BUT EVERY SUSPECT IS STILL INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY BY THE COURT OF LAW and Ibrahim should be given the BENEFIT OF DOUBT until we hear his own version because many stories are not just CUT and DRIED or BLACK and WHITE. All these points were lost during the trading of insults and i would like to use this opportunity to apologize again to HAWA and MARIAM [if they are reading] that all the innuendos and jabs i made there where not meant for her! IF YOU REFUSE TO BELIEVE ANY OTHER THING, PLEASE BELIEVE THAT!
To the other innocent bloggers whose sensibilities were insulted, i sincerely apologize and to Solomonsydelle whom i turned her well- respected blog into a WAR ZONE. If i had listen to the wise saying that says; A STRONG MAN IS NOT KNOWN FOR THE PROWESS HE DISPLAYS IN A FIGHT BUT THE STRENGTH AND COURAGE TO WALK AWAY FROM A FIGHT, then matters would not have degraded into such! After the TRUCE called by Solomonsydelle, i still got hateful messages on my blog , but i ignored it because I AM NOT READY TO SWALLOW THAT BITTER PILL CALLED PRIDE AGAIN! Heheee More-over, ONE CANNOT CRY MORE THAN THE BEREAVED BECAUSE SUCH A PERSON WOULD BE CALLED A NOISE MAKER! Thank you. May i say that i and pink satin have buried the hatchet which shows maturity on her side. Thanks.
Sting: What do you think is the best way to handle rape in Nigeria?
Ms. NG: RAPE in Nigeria is ALWAYS swept under the carpet! The girls are ALWAYS mocked EXPECT there is a CLEAR evidence; Like my mom's laundry woman whose daughter was raped by her landlord's son. The girl was under 18 and he sent her on an errand which is a common practice in tenement buildings.When she came in, he bolted the door, increased his loud speaker to reduce her screams and DEFLOWERED her. He ran away immediately while the young gal came out crying with torn, blood stained panties.She was taken to the police station immediately and the police were so efficient that the boy was caught few hours later. Is the boy languishing in jail as i speak? NO! He walks freely in the street because his parents went on their knees to beg profusely and paid all her medical bills! They are all still living in the same compound as i write and i saw the boy when i went to visit my mum last week.
Likewise, in the secondary school i attended, a girl scaled the fence with 4 boys before closing time, only for her parents to come to school with her to say she was raped. The boys were given indefinite suspension. Alas! the parents of the boys came back to school the next day and fought back! The boys were called back and the girl was made a mockery of! The female teachers called her a disgrace to womanhood because she scaled the fence.The male teachers called her a slut, because she knew what she was getting into by jumping a fence before closing time and the students nko? They hated her because stiffer rules and punishment were now imposed for any offender. I attended a MILITARY SCHOOL BY THE WAY.
So tell me, how do you access both stories? Depending on what evidence the police have on ground, they would work with it and who has the MONEY POWER!
Left to me, there are some rape cases that are best KEPT QUIET!
So there you have it. Interesting interview with Ms. Nitty Gritty. I would like to thank her for taking the time to do this. Questions, comments? Go ahead in the comment section.