I am the stone that the builder refused

The contributers of this site are all of different capacities and have slightly different ways of seeing things, this is probably because we each have different interests in life and most likely because we are all of different ages. Im the youngest and therefore im only just learning what it means to be a black, young woman in this world. I think im allowed to call myself a woman now, being able to drink, smoke, marry, live by myself etc should make me a woman. Right?? So why do I still feel like im a little child, each time something bad happens I just want to go to my mum and hug her round the waist, and listen to her tell me everything will be alright, that its okay to be scared, its okay to make mistakes and its okay to fall and fall and keep falling untill you find that anchor that helps you rise to the fullest you can be. The fullest God has made you possible for. In eight months Im hopefully (by God's grace) gonna move out of my parents home and move to university. When I was making choices for universities I picked ones as far away from home as possible but now thinking back ive realised that in my rush to leave home and be 'independent' i'd forgotten why I still live at home, why even when i fight with my parents about everything atleast once every week, I still cant move out, Im gonna miss them, they are my rocks, financially, emotionally, spiritually. Everytime I feel bad outside I can always come home and be guaranteed a few laughs before bed and a couple of hugs, that wont be possible anymore if I go to university. Ive blamed my choice on my obsession with 'independence' and my new found love with my 'WOMANHOOD'

Acoording to the law of the land Ive been a woman for two years now, 2011 will make it three years, I still have curfew, have to tell my mother where im going before I leave my house every day, and still have to get shouted at. My parents remind me of this law when it suits them but most of the time the arguement is that since I am their child I must do as they say.

Being a black person in this world requires a shield, in which all the racism that is thrown at you, can be caught in. I argue with everybody in favour of equality but it does seem odd that Harrods doesnt employ enough black people and the way black youths are looked at in shops  is just atrocious. But if you look at it as an improvement from being slaves, we have come quite a long way. we leave it simply as 'they do not know what they do'

Being a woman also requires a shield, in which all the sexiest, chauvinist idealistic comments can be caught into. I have also learnt that as long as you are a human being in this world, happiness is a Must, no matter where you are, who you are with or how things are for you, make sure you are as happy as you can possibly be. We know not when God will decide to call you back to him so have fun with life, dont throw caution to the wind but dont let the wind carry you away either.

Being a woman also means accepting yourself as a sexual being, allowing oneself to notice that guys do actually exist and that when theyre not being disgusting creatures obsessed with some sport or the other or when theyre not being total jerks, they can actually, shock-horror, be nice people, with feelings and thoughts and can even be intelligent and hold conversations, loool. Not being a child also means you suddenly realise that not everybody is your friend, not everybody cares what happens to you, and 'friend' is a very over used word, its being put into the same category as 'I love you', words used too often and hardly ever meant even by family members.
Muhammad Ali once said in an interview that he didnt have any friends, he only had acquaintancies because friends to him were people who were ready to lay down their lives for you at the very mention of it and he had never met anybody who was ready to do so. That is a definition I hold dear to my heart.

Am now tired of rambling so I apologise for thinking too much, its back to my text books and revision, thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.

"The stone that the builder refused shall be the head corner stone."
Bob Marley