If you are following my blogs, or if you happened to read this post yesterday, then maybe you would understand the reason why I am writing this post now.
But then, let me start this blog by saying I am grateful that we had a safe night last night. Thank you Lord.
And another thing to be thankful today, the cause of our troubles was already nowhere in sight. Again, thank you Lord.
Upon arrival from school this morning, I was happy to know that Mr. L (short for lunatic) was off going somewhere with his bag. He's heading to the same place where he's staying whenever he's not around here. So what a joy and more on relief for all of us here. Because when he's around, all of us are not peaceful. Scared that Mr. L would throw a fit and create trouble as he often does when he runs out of money.
To make the long story short, probably his dad (my grandfather) gave him money today and that explains his sudden action to go. That's always the scenario, a cycle that becoming insanely bad and wrong. Money is his pacifier. Ugh.
Yesterday, everyone of us were scared and angry at the same time. My mom for sure has the terrible feeling among us. Who wouldn't feel angry when that L attacked her for no sensible reasons but all out of assumptions and maybe paranoia.
My mom is just a woman- very fragile but contained herself somehow from getting too ireful during that time. Compared to that L, who is forever mindless of his actions. Crazy, he really is.
When mom told me that story, I feel a sudden attack of anger. I blurted out things so bad out of my feelings. I feel like I want that L to disappear even if it takes me to hire a killer. Forgive me Lord for saying it. But that L is too unbearable and intolerable anymore.
But then again, I think I'm too smart now to commit such actions. And yet, the wish of something bad for that L still lingers in my head. Geeezz.. It's too fresh to move on especially now that another bad news came to us this afternoon.
How can a father tell another person who is not a relative but a friend of my dad that he DOESN'T CARE when Mom got killed by his own lunatic son???? Its like he said straight, "Go son killed that woman." Geeezzz... How bad that seems right? Not to mention its too wrong coming from the mouth of my grandfather.
Very dishonorable word.
Our hearts crushed. Don't know what to feel anymore.
Help us Lord.
Praying for a permanent relief, peaceful nights.